Dear Husbands of Our Youth,
We know it’s been a rough go sometimes. And we know marriage can be really hard work. We also know you love us, but honestly, we don’t understand why you say women are so complicated, unpredictable, and hard to please. It’s just not true.
Let us explain.
First, we are NOT complicated. We are a
simple straightforward gender. You just need to remember these basic things:
If your wife is quiet, it means she is sad. Unless the silence has lasted for more than twenty-four hours. If that’s the case, it means she is angry. If she’s sad, you must gently pursue her. If she’s angry, you must give her some space. And when we say “pursue”, we know you heard “SEX”. For the record, this quiet sad/angry time is not a signal that we want you. Yes, seriously.
If your wife is talkative, it means she is feeling close to you. Please affirm her by looking her in the eye and listening attentively. Do NOT try to fix everything. She just wants to be heard and affirmed. Unless you can fix something. Then for crying out loud, why haven’t you already done so? <<Silence>>
If you are taking your wife out on a date, she wants you to arrange the details: the reservations, the schedule, the sitter, etc. She wants to feel swept away, like a princess without a care in the world. But please don’t dictate the whole evening! Men can be so bossy!
And at night, she wants rest, but don’t forget the romance. She wants her alone-time, but please stay close. She wants intimacy, but for Pete’s sake, stop touching her!
Simmer down there, buddy. We’re still not talking about sex. We’ll let you know.
Easy peasy, so far, right?
Second, some women have a reputation for being unpredictable. And while there is a shred of truth in that, we are more consistent than we get credit for.
For example, chances are, your wife never wants to cook. Unless she just got off Pinterest and is in the mood to do so. Or her girl friends are coming over for book club. Then, she totally wants to. In either case, please don’t offer to take over the kitchen, or she’ll feel threatened and criticized. But if she looks like she needs help, don’t just sit there for crying out loud! Oh, and don’t forget to talk long about how much you love the new recipe. Yes, you love it.
One more thing here… if you’re taking your bride to dinner and she’s trying to decide what to wear, and she asks your opinion, please be honest and give it. Unless it’s the wrong time of the month, then lying is definitely okay. Or, unless she’s holding two outfits for you to choose from. Then always choose the one in her right hand. Or the one that she’s shaking on the hanger more. Or the one that matches her nail polish. You did notice her nail polish, right?
And no matter what she’s wearing, compliment her hair on the way out the door. Unless it’s really humid. Or she’s wearing a hat. Then don’t mention her hair at all.
Oh, and she might get flirty and mention a “special dessert” after supper, if you know what we mean. (Yes, this is the sex part.) You can count on it. Unless you complain about the bill. Or the humidity changes. Or her outfit starts making her feel fat… Why did you tell her to wear that, anyway?
If you just keep these simple rules in mind, we are as predictable as death and … Well, let’s just say you can set your watch by us. Unless we are pregnant. Or have entered menopause. Or just started a new diet …
Third, some men find women hard to please. If you feel that you can’t do anything to please your wife, you should definitely talk to her about it. She truly wants to hear your heart. An open line of communication is so very important in marriage.
But first, pour her a glass of wine. And make sure you remembered to take the trash out. And did you cut the grass? Oh, and don’t forget to treat her to a girls’ night out once in a while. Flowers are nice, too. Wait. Did you remember to fix the dryer? We’re all ears, love.
We hope this helps, loyal bride-groom. You’re doing great. And we love that you have promised to grow old with us.
Wait. Is that a gray hair, already?! Are you stressed? We’ll talk later…
All our love,
The Wives of Your Youth
“Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” Proverbs 16:31