The Mom Behind the Machine

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I used to go to my room to cry.

I would hold it together until I fixed a snack for one child, pulled down a toy for another, and assigned math pages to two more. Finally, with trembling lip, I’d hustle down the hallway to the privacy of my bedroom.

There, my God and my pillow absorbed the tears. Because someone called with bad news. Or I didn’t get my way in marriage. Because it was the wrong time of the month. Or mothering and homeschooling four kids was just plain lonely and hard. Continue reading

The God of Water

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Water, like a wild Love that’s constrained

By dams of fear and levees of hate,

Builds a fierce current, black and white and jealous.

Until it overtakes its boundaries, and levels everything in its path.

Continue reading

Rise

It’s called Five Minute Friday. Each week, we write freely on a one-word prompt. Then we link up at the amazing Kate Motaung’s site. It’s a flash mob of writers- having fun and sharing their take on one word. This week’s prompt is RISE.

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When the morning alarm sounds, sometimes I think I’d seriously sell my soul to just stay under the covers.

Where it’s warm, dark, and quiet. Where I don’t have to face the demands of the day. Where I can block out the pressure, the stress. Where life can’t reach me and I can just be. Continue reading

When Jesus Meets the Addict

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We whisper about it in church hallways. We turn our head away from it at the parks and we hide it in our homes. We warn our kids about it and hate it in ourselves.

Addiction.

It’s nothing new. From tobacco to technology. From crack to caffeine. From over-working to binge-watching. From generation to generation, we’ve traded one addiction for another.

It’s an effect of the fall, we say. We shake our fists at the devil and hang our heads. Come, Lord Jesus, we say, and dream of the day when we can be free. Continue reading

Solo Performance

198475_1720986784587_7340023_nIt was that heavy time of day. You know, that time when you realize that another day is slipping away and all you have to show for it is a bigger pile of dishes, more laundry, and the same stagnant set of worries from the days before.

You know, that time of day when everyone’s tired, but restless. Hungry, but fed-up. Fragile, but rock-hard. When school is over, but homework is looming. After friends have disappointed, but before siblings are appreciated.

You know, that time of motherhood when the problems are too big to wrap in a blanket and conflicts don’t end with a time-out. When a pacifier or teddy bear just won’t cut it. When being a mom just isn’t enough. Continue reading

The Door

It’s called Five Minute Friday. Each week, we write freely on a one-word prompt. Then we link up at the amazing Kate Motaung’s site. It’s a flash mob of writers- having fun and sharing their take on one word. This week’s prompt was DOOR.

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This is not what was supposed to happen…not what he planned.

He stumbled down the road, stinking from pride and poor decisions.

He had tried to make a name for himself, but ruined his reputation and his future instead. Continue reading

When the Empty Tomb Seems Too Far Away

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I want to run.

I want to be like Peter, the disciple who ran for the tomb on the third day. The one who leaned in to the emptiness and believed.

“Now on the first day of the week Mary Magdalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” So Peter went out with the other disciple, and they were going toward the tomb. Both of them were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. And stooping to look in, he saw…” (John 20: 1-5)

I read the story of the Resurrection and cheer Peter on. My soul runs with him, toward the hope that I know is there… because I know the story so well. Because I love happy endings and want one for Peter- whose floundering faith reminds me so much of my own. Continue reading

Sockless Faith

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I sat in the tiny chair, held up the Picture Bible a little higher for effect, and spoke in my best Miss Pattycake voice…

“…then, Jesus wrapped a towel around His waist and washed their feet.

They stared at me like little robots. Clearly, they aren’t paying attention, I thought.  Continue reading

Share

It’s called Five Minute Friday. Each week, we write for five minutes, freely, on a one-word prompt. We write quickly, then post, a flash-mob linking together at Kate Motaung’s site
It’s fun!
This week’s prompt: SHARE

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love Jesus. I grew up going to church and praying in my bed every night. I’ve spent long hours at the foot of the cross and on my knees. I’m sure of God’s love and His saving Grace. But I’ve wondered…

Is there a share just for me? 

Continue reading

Hands

 

“What happened here?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think I cut it while fixing the gutter.”

I rubbed my eight-year-old fingers along yet another deep groove in my father’s finger.

We drove in the car. It was before air bags, and I got to sit in the front and hold his hand.  It was our father-daughter ritual when sent on a grocery run.

I loved how I felt small and safe with my hand in his. I rubbed my smooth girl-fingers along his palm. The countless calluses and cuts were evidence of his hard work taking care of our family.

My dad’s weekend hands fixed, built, and lifted.

My dad’s nighttime hands held my mom.

My dad’s early morning hands pressed my back when I heard his voice, “I’m crazy about you.”

As a teenager and young adult, my dad’s hands had to withhold privileges or set boundaries.

Occasionally, my dad’s hands rescued me and paid my debts.

My dad’s hands pointed me to the Father. Because of the work of his hands, I recognized the work of the Lord.

And later, as my hands slipped from his, it seemed so natural to cling to Another’s pierced and callused hands.

Hands whose work is always to restore, and never to destroy.

Hands that I can trust to hold me up.

Hands that apply pressure from a crazy kind of love.

Hands that fence me in for my protection.

Hands that reached down to meet me. To rescue me and pay my debt.

And there, in the palm of His hand, I’m a child again. Small, safe, and loved.


Happy Father’s Day!