Hands

 

“What happened here?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think I cut it while fixing the gutter.”

I rubbed my eight-year-old fingers along yet another deep groove in my father’s finger.

We drove in the car. It was before air bags, and I got to sit in the front and hold his hand.  It was our father-daughter ritual when sent on a grocery run.

I loved how I felt small and safe with my hand in his. I rubbed my smooth girl-fingers along his palm. The countless calluses and cuts were evidence of his hard work taking care of our family.

My dad’s weekend hands fixed, built, and lifted.

My dad’s nighttime hands held my mom.

My dad’s early morning hands pressed my back when I heard his voice, “I’m crazy about you.”

As a teenager and young adult, my dad’s hands had to withhold privileges or set boundaries.

Occasionally, my dad’s hands rescued me and paid my debts.

My dad’s hands pointed me to the Father. Because of the work of his hands, I recognized the work of the Lord.

And later, as my hands slipped from his, it seemed so natural to cling to Another’s pierced and callused hands.

Hands whose work is always to restore, and never to destroy.

Hands that I can trust to hold me up.

Hands that apply pressure from a crazy kind of love.

Hands that fence me in for my protection.

Hands that reached down to meet me. To rescue me and pay my debt.

And there, in the palm of His hand, I’m a child again. Small, safe, and loved.


Happy Father’s Day!

The Knowing

 
Click click click.
My high heels skittered across the classroom floor while I worked to finished the last of my bulletin boards. I took a deep breath, puffing myself up, and admired my work. School would start any minute and I was ready.
The art supplies were arranged and labeled in cute, colorful containers. The reading area was cozy and inviting. My lesson plans were complete and my teaching certificate hung on the wall.
Then my students arrived. Before the end of the first week, they left the markers uncapped and abused our class library. One child pulled and ripped the bulletin board border and another wrote a bad word on the cubbies. I clicked up and down the aisles, dragging those second graders through my lesson plans, but no one was learning. After a couple of weeks, the sight of my certificate made me cringe.

Continue reading

Nothing

Hi Everyone- I’m linking up at five minute Friday and writing unhindered, for five minutes on this one-word prompt: “Nothing”.

here goes…

Go.












What’s wrong?

Nothing.

You seem upset. Are you sure nothing’s wrong?

I’m sure. Nothing.

Okay.

You think you’ve shared nothing, friend, but I’ve heard you loud and clear.

Because I know you, I can hear nothing and listen.

You have shared your life with me for many years, so now I can make something out of your nothing.

Another day, you might be able to turn your nothing into words. But today, you don’t have to.

Today, I will give my presence, understanding, and prayer.

And what do you need to give?

No words. No explanation. No pretending.

Nothing, friend.

And you will still have my everything.

Stop





Three Clocks

 

On a shelf in my soul sits a wooden hourglass,
Where sands no longer run.
The top bell is empty; the bottom is still,
Reminding me of His work that’s been done.
Resting, quiet, and peaceful,
This timepiece no longer enslaves.
The war is over, and victory is won
Through an empty cross and grave.

Continue reading

An Offering in Cursive: A True Story

He’s a student I’ll always remember. It’s a story I’ll never forget.
It began on the first day of school, after the unpacking of markers, glue sticks, and tissue boxes, and after I had asked my students to write me a letter about themselves.
I stood in the back of the classroom watching them work, wondering what kind of year was ahead of me. It’s so hard to tell on the first day…

Continue reading

Captain Tick Tock

Curled up on the couch with his sketchbook in hand, my son asked, “Mom, if you had a super power, what would it be?”

Within seconds, I replied, “I’d be able to control time. I would fast forward, pause, slow down, and rewind the hands of the clock at will. My name would be Captain Tick Tock.”

Clearly, I had thought about this before.

With raised eyebrows, he studied me for a few seconds as if seeing me anew. “Wow, Mom,” that’s actually a really good one.”

“I know, right?”

He went back to his pages filled with superhero drawings. I had a feeling Captain Tick Tock was about to be added there.

Just before bed, I spotted the finished drawing on the coffee table

Continue reading

Death By Numbers

Recently, I was in the checkout line at the grocery store with my overloaded cart when a lady behind me caught my eye and said, “You must have as many kids as I do. The three gallons of milk give it away.”

I smiled and reached into my cart. “Yes, three gallons- PLUS a half-gallon of almond milk!” I held up the carton like a trophy.

We both chuckled and secretly sized each other up. The Game has begun.

Continue reading

Empty

 

Empty was the space in darkness.
Not a light, ocean, nor wood.
With just a word He mead it all happen,
Declaring with joy that it was good.
Empty were the promises whispered
By a serpent in a tree.
Man and Woman fell from glory;
But God had plans for death’s defeat.

Continue reading

Window Open or Closed?

This has been the year of decisions for me. Big ones about careers, schools, and health. Smaller ones about paint color, gym memberships, and cars. I hate making decisions. But, then again, I don’t know many people who love this unavoidable part of life.

Decisions, no matter the size, tend to make me exhausted and often afraid.

I’m afraid if I choose the wrong paint color, the room will look unattractive, and we’ll have to repaint, and money will be wasted which will eliminate the possibility of getting new couches which means we won’t be able to get the new rug in that different color scheme…

I’m afraid if I pay for the car repairs instead of selling the car, I’ll be faced with more repairs later and out more money, which means not being able to buy the car later, which means our family of six will have to make due with one fewer car…

I’m afraid that if I send my kids to that school, they won’t get a good education, make the right friends, or be encouraged in their faith, then they will become criminals and I’ll be visiting them in jail…

I don’t know about you, but these things are scary.

Continue reading

Warnings from the Champagne Flutes

Glass pitchers, dish sets, serving platters…

Recently, I watched a young bride-to-be open gifts at a shower. Beautiful, useful, and fun things. All appropriate for a young couple starting their new life together.

I’ve been to many showers. It’s a wonderful opportunity for the older women to share in a family’s excitement and show support for the newest pledge of the “Wife Club”. We happily bend over China patterns and run our fingers over new quilts. With genuine interest, we oooh and ahhh over wedding dress descriptions and flower choices. We encourage, share stories, and offer advice, then squeeze hands and shed tears of joy. I love it all. Truly.

However, another thing is true about every shower I’ve been to. At the point that chairs are arranged for present time, an invisible divider separates the knowing from the innocent.

Continue reading

In the Dead of Winter

 

Photo Source


One of my kids cried when I reported that another snow storm was coming. None of us ridiculed, belittled, or discouraged his tears. We all just shook our heads and silently hugged. We know, buddy…we know.

Seriously. This winter is relentless. Everyone is at their breaking point. With another round of closings, grocery panics, salt, boots, coats, shoveling, scraping, we must admit that if we didn’t have the self- control that my child lacks, we would all be crying too. Continue reading

He Can. He Will. But If Not…

All of us have had times when we have prayed hard for something to happen. For healing, for a job, for forgiveness, for a lost child… No matter what the status of your relationship with God, these are the kinds of things that bring all of us searching for and begging before a higher power.

Recently, I was on my knees for a ten year-old girl from Springfield who was kidnapped. While the midwest searched for her, every parent’s nightmare haunted social media and the news. I retweeted, reshared, cried, prayed, and shuddered at the reminder that the horrific can happen to the innocent.

Continue reading

The 24-Hour Rule

Photo Source

This past Christmas, I was reminded of one of our family’s rules.  My youngest received a gift that was interesting to her siblings.  Soon after it was unwrapped, her brother was asking to “see” it (which really means hold it and play with it until you beg for it back).  Big sister came to her rescue and reminded everyone of our time-tested rule, “You don’t have to share on the first day!” Everyone nodded. It’s true.

Continue reading

A Non-Resignation Letter to Our Kids

To My Awesome Kids,

All four of you are in different stages of your education. Since I (Mom) feel a little panicky as I watch you grow up so quickly, I want to press pause for a moment to write you this letter.

Naturally, as a homeschooling family, parent and teacher roles have been been blurred for you. This was a good thing at home. I never wanted you feel like I had a dual personality (leave snide comments aside for now, teenagers), so “School-in-Session Mom” wasn’t too different from “Weekend Mom”.

This worked well for us. However, clearly defining the roles of parent and teacher might be beneficial now that you are getting older and entering into traditional schools. Even when my role as your school teacher ends, I’d like to make it clear that Dad and I are not resigning as your lead teachers in the following areas:

Continue reading

Which Me Will Be in Heaven?

What it will be like to stand before God? Many of us envision this scene. Some picture it to be a throne room with God and Jesus sitting side by side in all glory and splendor. Others imagine file cabinets full of debts with Jesus marking each one “Paid in Full” as God smiles in approval. Still, there are some who think of pearly gates or even floating cherubs. To be honest, my brain has entertained all of these scenarios. But lately, my wondering hasn’t been about what I will see in Heaven. I’ve been simply wondering which “Me” will be there.

Continue reading

Lost in the Scramble

The other day before an appointment, I was doing the “Mom Scramble” on the way out the door :  letting the dog out, finding keys, turning off lights, switching laundry, loading dishes, etc.  I was minutes away from being on my way when my husband called.  He was giving me an update about that evening’s logistics, “Uh, huh.  Okay.  That will work.  What time?”  I was already doing seven things; talking on the phone made it eight.  An average-sized scramble, I’d say. No big deal for a veteran like me.

My two youngest blessings waited by the door, watching me hustle around (another blog idea for later).

Continue reading

The List

I love checked-off lists. They make me feel productive and in control. I make them for every part of my life.  I’m one of those people who writes things on my to-do list after it’s done just so I can cross it off.  And you better believe that I leave my completed lists in plain view for God and others to see how efficient I am. I give myself secret pats-on-the-back and high-fives.

I’ve been around Christians long enough to know that I must also have a list for my prayers. So I do. (check) Mine is lengthy.  I’ve been praying for many of the entries on this list for months, some even years.  A few for a decade.  It’s been a long time since I’ve crossed anything off because of a yes-answer.  Many have been no-answered.  What eats at me the most are the ones that remain seemingly ignored.

Continue reading

Sore from "The Hobbling"

It’s early morning and I’m hungry.  My mind starts thinking of what would taste good:  comfort, control,  health, glory, answers to questions, things to be different…  Hunger motivates me; moves me.

Continue reading